scatterheart, scatterbrain
by hinoiri lwin
Summary: it's not perfect, it's full of imperfectness but she loved it any less. because it's hers and she found it all by herself and they built it, together. (future fic) —yuunoa—


scatterheart, scatterbrain

* * *

 _-  
it takes two to commit sins.  
never one.  
never alone.  
-_

* * *

 _and they have sinned,  
badly._

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

She skirted along the walls, ivory skin gleamed in pitch-black darkness. Her eyes were sharp and inviting, cheeks painted in shade of rose as pointed boots clanking on the tiled floors.

 _It's time_ , she thought.

The smeared red across her face was glittering stars, and she licked her lower lip, tasting the bittersweet flavor of her glossed mouth.

The tiny pills inside her expensive little hand bag were heavy, and it felt like she was dragging a mountain with her. Her pocket knife and cursed weapon were stapled behind her one-thousand-watts smile as she walked. The klick-klack sounds of her heels made her head hurt, just like her blurry surrounding did. But she didn't have any choice but go further. Didn't have the chance to turn back anymore.

She loved this job, though.

When there was no more vampires to slay, humans turned out to be the most disgusting creature ever.

And she needed to weed them out.

(need to _kill_ them.)

* * *

.

.

.

She lured the man into a dark room, smiling seductively as she did so and positioned him right where she wanted him to be.

It took her five minutes and a second to spill those white pills into his drink, watching as they dissolved into nothing.

Then she brought the alcohol down his throat.

And watched as the poor man broke down in heaps of silent screams.

(there was no blood, no sounds either, and she's _glad_ that there's less monsters she needed to deal with,

 _later._ )

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"How's the target?" Guren walked out from the shadow to stand behind her.

"He's done." she waved her hand nonchalantly. "Dead from several heart complications. He seemed like a screamer though, that's why I used the pills. I don't want to stain my weapon anyway."

The man whistled. "You sure are ruthless. Now I know why he's so taken with you."

"What?" a devilish smirk stretched on her face. "You're jealous?" she asked, pressing herself on him.

"You wish." he deadpanned, lips forming a scowl before he pushed her away. "Anyway, you better get back to that brat. He's always such an ass when you're away on mission like this. I don't know what his problem but it's getting annoying."

"Aw," she cooed, standing on her tippy-toes to ruffle his hair playfully. "You really care about him, don't you?"

"Hell no." he rolled his eyes, battling her hands away. "He's _annoying_ , I'd tell you. Give him a big smooch or what. Just make that kid normal, okay? I hate to work with him when he's acting like a freaking child when he's _not_. He's twenty for god's sake."

"And you're twenty-eight~" she sang, giggling.

"Shut up, midget." he snapped. "Just because you've got a bit taller doesn't mean you've the right to sass me."

"I'm nineteen." Shinoa pouted cutely. "And I'm 5"2 feet now. I'm _not_ a midget."

"Humor me. Your lover is more than 6"3 tall." The raven crowned man snorted. "Compared to him you're a _midget_."

There was silence.

Shinoa frowned. "He's not my lover."

"Sure." he said. "I believe you."

She sighed, shaking her head. "I really hate you sometimes."

Silence fell between them again, before he sighed. "Have you ever considered stopping, Shinoa?"

"No." her answer was fast and sharp, she sounded _so_ sure that it was sickening. "And even if I am, I don't think there's more left of us to do this kind of job."

"I guess." he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But you should. Consider it, I mean. Maybe you could settle down with that idiot somewhere far in the countryside. Or maybe you could start having babies with him. I don't know. Do your worst."

"….you pervert." she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I don't know what my sister saw in you, but you're hopeless."

"I know." he grinned, cat-like eyes smiling up at her. "It's one of my charms, to be honest."

(this incorrigible piece of _shit_.

if only she could wipe that stupid grin off his face. sigh.)

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

"Yuu-san~" she sang, plopping down into his messy bed. "Rise and shine~ Time to wake up!"

Yuichiro groaned, pressing his face into the pillow beneath him deeper as though he was trying to merge himself into the material. "G'way. I wanna sleep…"

Shinoa gasped dramatically and put a hand over her heart, blinking her eyes at him. "You wound me, Yuu-san." she said, wiping a fake tear from the corner of her eyes. "Here I am, eager to meet you, but you cast me aside like garbage. How _cruel_."

"Shut up." he mumbled, his voice a little bit muffled. "You're annoying. It's three in the morning, stupid."

"But Guren-chusa said that you want to meet me!" she whined, pulling on his washout blanket with all she had, but the piece of cloth didn't even budge a bit. "Come on, wake up!"

"I don't, okay?" he snapped at her, cracking one eye open before he closed it again. "Now go away."

With the harsh tone uttered from his mouth she dropped her acts completely, wiping the easy smile off her face. He'd never been this angry before with her. He'd never been this hard on her. He was acting weird.

It felt wrong, to have him ignoring her like this.

Shinoa tucked a stray hair behind her earlobe, frowning. "Ne, what's wrong with you? You're crankier than usual."

"S'not your problem." Yuichiro muttered, still hiding his face.

"Of course it is." she said, running her fingers among sea of black tresses. She felt him stiffened under her touch, and she smiled a little because he was still the same, despite all. Not that different, at least. "What's wrong, Yuu-san?"

"Nothing's wrong." he buried his face deeper, refusing to acknowledge her presence. "Go away."

Shinoa sighed again. She'd sighed an awfully lot today. "I said, what's wro—"

"Nothing is wrong okay!" he blurted out, startling her from his sudden harsh tone.

"…..Yuu-san?" she chocked out, pulling her hand from his hair instinctively.

"Fuck." he whispered under his breath. " _Fuck_." his wild, electric-green eyes were wide-open, his pupils dilated and there was something, _something_ nameless behind that beautiful orbs which made her insides churned and twisted around.

It was fear. Fear of something unknown. Fear of free-falling.

Fear of _knowing_.

The girl gulped down the bile down her closing throat. "…what's wrong?"

The boy answered her by putting his lips over hers.

And then time seemed to stop instantly.

(their first kiss began with – with – well, there was no beginning for them, she thought

but it sure tasted like _desperation_ , and maybe a little bit sweet?)

* * *

.

.

.

.

"So," Mikaela raised an eyebrow at her, failing to hide his amusement. Like, _at all_. "He lashed out on you and then he kissed you and _then_ he ignored you?"

The girl narrowed her eyes. Why he made it sound so simple? "Yes."

"Huh. I wonder how long it took him to break." he mused, laughing to his heart's content, and his laugh sounded like chiming bells in her ears and perhaps, it felt like family too, like _home._

Shinoa missed home. How she missed home.

(she missed him, too.)

Mikaela chuckled again when he saw her pouting at him.

"…what?" she asked then.

"Well, he's a guy." he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, when it's not. It's _not_. "He has the _urges_ , Shinoa. Hormonal urges. And you've grown. Do the math."

Shinoa bit her lower lip. "….I don't understand."

Mikaela sighed. "You're even more naïve than he is."

"I-I don't—" she paused, licking her lips out of nervousness. "Just what's wrong with him? He seems… different."

"Shinoa, listen." he said, catching her eyes inside an intense gaze. "You've _grown_. You've developed. You've the curves and… stuff. And now you're foolish enough to play around with your male targets, seducing them into oblivion."

"…..so?" she titled her head. "What does it have to do with him?"

Mikaela stared at her as if he were seeing a ghost floating in front of him. "…you've got to be kidding me." he looked like he was torn between screaming and laughing. "Can you be more oblivious?"

" _What?"_ she hissed at the jab, baring her teeth at him in a threatening manner. "Stop talking in circles!"

"He's frustrated, okay?" he snapped. "God. What kind of lover doesn't?"

"He's not my lover." she shook her head, denying. She'd lost count at how many times she'd said that line.

"Of course he is." he gave her a look when she scowled at him. "What? Do you want to tell me that you're just playing around with him?"

"I'm not playing with anyone." she said, grinding her teeth against each other. "And definitely _not_ him."

"That's what you keep telling yourself." he pointed out, eyes lukewarm and full of sympathy. Or perhaps pity? She didn't know. "I know you love him. _Everyone_ knows you love him."

"I don't." she said, her voice shook at the dishonest syllables. "I _don't_."

(she did, actually. but she didn't want to love him at all.

because more than anyone in this broken world, she knew that love _hurt._ )

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

"W-Wait s-sto—Yuu-san! What are you—hmph!"

There was hot lips upon hers, harsh and wild against her fevered skin and her mind was suddenly reduced to void because it was him and he was kissing her senseless like there was no tomorrow.

"Shut up." he snarled, breaking the heated kiss, before he yanked her uniform open a little too harshly. "You're used with this kind of thing, don't you, Shinoa?" he mocked her, his breath nipping at her skin like a bunch of firecrackers. "I'm sure this is no different." The forest-eyed boy began to leave butterfly kiss along her jawline, leaving crimson marks all over the place, and she, _she_ didn't know what to do because her mind was blank and void and he—Yuichiro—he was so close, so, _so_ close.

He was so damn close that it hurt to breathe.

"W-What are you t-talking about?" she swallowed, hard. Her heart was breaking into a torrent of irregular beats, and her body—her body was on _fire_. "I—I d-don't understand."

The boy stopped for a moment, before a smirk split his face. "Did you enjoy it, hm?"

"W-What?" her eyes widened in shock as her body stilled like a stone. Did he – did he just—?

"Those men you seduced." he spat venomously. "Did you enjoy it? Did you _sleep_ with them?"

"What the hell Yuu-san." she hissed, glaring at him with storm and thunder inside her copper-brown eyes, because he did _not_ just call her a _whore_ in front of her face. "I'm _not_ that low! What's _wrong_ with you? You're unbelievable!"

He didn't answer her and caught her lips again, plunging his fire-hot tongue inside her burning cavern. The kiss lasted for a long time before he drew back from her, almost reluctantly, his breath came out in pants, greenish (green-green-green) aqua eyes lidded and skin flushed red from the scorching heat.

"You're mine." he whispered to her ear, tickling her sensitive skin, and bit down the sensitive flesh. " _Mine_."

Yuichiro put his palm over her eyes, and sank his lips upon her again.

This was the part when she broke.

And broke.

And broke.

(their kisses tasted like blood and tears this time around. it was harsh, wild, violent, fierce and rash and _lively_ —full of bursting colors, fluorescent colors, just like the color of mad-bloody-red, which represent them _so_ _well_.)

she _hated_ the color red.)

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

The morning after she found herself curled into his side, clad only in his button down shirt and messy bed hair, she looked so undone, so vulnerable, so _weak_ , perhaps. With silken-silk draped over her alabaster skin, she laid bare beside him, the pale, sickening shade of washout white contrasting against her exposed body. She sighed, and buried her face into the junction of his neck.

"What are we, Yuu-san?" she nuzzled her nose along his spine, breathing in his scent. "What are we?"

"I don't know." he answered truthfully, tangling her lilac tresses between his long digits, sighing. "But I won't let anyone have you. Mission be damned."

"You're going to make him mad again." she almost laughed when she said this. "He's going to be so mad that you will regret it. I _know_ you will regret it."

"Who cares." he snorted. "I'm keeping you here and he has nothing to say about that."

"Yep." she popped the letter 'p' and pinched his cheek. "You're going to be a dead meat."

"I don't care." he repeated, pinning her down to the bed, raven hair falling into his eyes like waterfall. "You should thank me, Shinoa. Now you're free from those dirty jobs, you don't have to force yourself again."

"I'm not forcing myself. I _love_ those jobs." she said defensively, pushing her hands on his broad chest, glaring over her long lashes at him. "You have no right to tell me otherwise."

"You're not." he declared as though he knew everything. As though he knew her. That stupidly incorrigible boy. "You're just doing it because nobody can." he paused, licking his lips. "Because nobody _cares_."

She watched him curiously, eyes shining in wonder and maybe, _just maybe,_ a little bit of sick resentment.

He's not _her_ Yuu-san, somehow. Not the same. Different.

"You've changed." she chuckled. "If it were you from four years ago, you would have told me that what I'm doing is wrong from the start. You would have spared me from the heartache the moment I was drowning but you didn't." laughs bubbled inside her throat, pushing through her windpipe and out her lips. "You didn't. And instead you ignored me like I was a plague."

His eyes darkened into molten vedigris. "I didn't—"

"Don't." she whispered. "Don't deny it. You've changed, and I don't know whether it's for the good or bad. I'm confused, I really am. Why did you change?"

"Everybody changes." he said after a moment of silence. "Killing always did that to a person. I'm not an exception. I can break too, Shinoa."

( _and you can break me_ , she smiled at the implication. the words sounded more like he was begging her. and he seemed so old, so, _so_ old in his younger days even though he was such a stupid, stupid boy.

 _stupid people never age_ , they said.)

"You've grown so much, Yuu-san." she said softly, looking up to him. "You've grown so tall. So strong. Just take a look at yourself." she smiled. "You have bigger frame now. You're more calm, more subsided. And your eyes—your eyes changed. You've grown so much but you've changed so much." she paused to shoot him bittersweet smile. "I miss the old you."

"I'm still the same." he croaked out, voice breaking like a thousand of glass. "I'm still _me_ , Shinoa."

"I know." she said. "But you've changed so much I'm afraid that I can't love you the same."

"Don't say that." his voice shook so badly that she thought he was going to cry. "Please don't do this to me."

"Are you tired?" she whispered and cupped his face inside her small palms, tracing warmth under her fingertips. "Because I am. So let's just stop for now, okay?"

"Yeah." he said quietly, falling into her warmth. "Let's stop…"

(they were _human_.

there's time when they should _stop_ and take a breather to _keep on going_.)

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

Shinoa broke her promise days later and they were back to square one.

"I told you not to go!" he hollered, backing her up the wall. "I _warned_ you! _Why did you go?"_

She stared up at him. Even at nineteen she still couldn't match his height at all. "Because it's my job."

"Like hell it is." he hissed, his nails digging to her shoulders. "You're just making up excuses."

"So do you, Yuu-san." she whispered, eyes downcast. "It's just like what you said. I do this because nobody can. Nobody cares."

"I care!" he shouted. "I care about you so why won't you listen to me?"

"Because I care about you too." she said simply, heartbreakingly. "But more, I love this world, despite its faults, I love it."

"Dammit, Shinoa." his voice broke and his head fell into her neck. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't."

"I know." she patted his head, and watched as tears spilled from his eyes. She smiled. "I know…"

"I hate this feeling." he sobbed. "I hate what I've become. I hate this. I hate this world so much but why do you love it? You supposed to hate it. You supposed to…. you – you _need_ to…." he inhaled sharply. "After what happened…. how could you not?"

"Even though I lost everything, even though I suffered, doesn't mean that I have to give up." she kissed his forehead softly and wrapped her arms around him. "You taught me that, Yuu-san. You taught me to love this world despite its imperfectness and I promised myself to love it always."

"Why?" he asked. "You're not supposed to love it. So why?"

She smiled, cranberry eyes flaring bright with _life_.

"You're here, aren't you?" she said, smiling. "And I love you."

His eyes widened for a fraction of second before a chuckle passed his parted lips. With splotchy tears pouring down his flushed cheeks he broke into laughter. And a real laugh, this time.

"Stupid girl." he smiled softly and brought his lips to meet hers. "I love you too."

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

They slept in the same bed again that night. Limbs tangled and arms entwined, there was no space left between them. She was curled to him; her head on his jawline and palms pressed against his chest. He was curled to her; his chin rested on top of her lilac-colored crown, his arms thrown around her much smaller frame and legs draping over hers. It made her smile a little, and she brushed back dark bangs from his face tenderly, trying to not wake him up.

The afternoon sky bloomed behind the shallow curtain, casting amber light and honey strings over their wan skin in overlapping golden streaks. She fluttered her eyelashes close then, and smelled mint and blood from him. It was his scent, she realized. She breathed in.

Today, they were good.

This was her haven now. Not perfect, it's full of imperfectness, and broken, it was broken all over the place, but it's good enough. It's good enough and she loved it any less. Because it's _hers_ and she found it all by herself and they built it, together.

It's a proof, you know?

A proof that there was someone out there who cared about her.

Who stood by her side.

Who cried for her.

Who loved her with everything he had.

(she found him, a little bit closer to home, just like he found her.

and that was _enough_.)

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Yuu-san?"

"Hmm?"

"What are we?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm not sure." she paused. "But I – I want to think that we're in love. Somehow. I don't know. It's confusing."

"Then so be it." a sigh escaped his lips. "Status quo doesn't really matter for me."

"….so, we're in love?" she tipped her head to the side.

"Yeah. Perhaps." he snorted, ruffling her hair. "I don't know either. But I won't let you go, no matter what happens. You stuck with me regardless you want it or not."

Insert a smile here. Because she thought that it's not bad to live and die with him from now own.

"So we're in love, after all."

* * *

 _-  
they have sinned, so they're a sinner  
_ _they have loved, so they're a lover  
_ _they have dreamed, so they're a dreamer_

 _i don't think it is that simple  
_ _not that awfully simple, at least  
_ _don't you think so?_

 _they have no happily ever after  
_ _they have no tragic ending either  
_ _she was not a princess, nor he was her prince charming  
_ _but in the end, they did not end up alone  
_ _they were together until the very last  
-_

* * *

 _and that's what really matter_

* * *

.

.

.

 **author's note:**  
Hello. We meet again :) Well, this is my new oneshot. I'm sorry for the dark theme but life hasn't been good for the past months, it affected my moods like always. I dunno what to say, but yeah, I want to try something different once in a while. Keyword: _try_. This, is what people call as half-assed attempt (I mean, who write happy ending when it supposed to be depressing?). I know, I know, I suck and I need to update Semper Memento real quick. But well, for now please enjoy this oneshot and awesomely-fabulously-long chapter 7 okay? I'm working with chapter eight now but I don't have much ideas so cue me. Perhaps I'm gonna write another oneshot but hey, it depends :)

I think my brain is messing with me XD. Or perhaps the new chapter (have you seen chapter 38? okay Guren, now we know what's wrong with you and it pretty much explained a lot, like, A LOT, of things really. I can't believe it we got trolled again...) did this to me. I just hope this story make sense because well, it's confusing, and I'm confused too XD. I'm sorry for bad grammars and errors! I'm still learning and English is not my mother language but I hope you enjoy this oneshot~ Please tell me your thought :)

 **Hinoiri Lwin**


End file.
